Down and Out

When I was growing up I was always taught to go to God when I hurt. Lately I feel like all I'm doing is going to Him to complain about everything that's going so wrong in my life. I'm having financial issues, and it's not like I wanna be rich (though that would be wonderful)I just wanna be secure. I want to be able to pay my bills off and be able to get the things that I need and some of the things I want. It's only human nature to want more than what you have...I feel like all that I'm doing is sitting around waiting for the next thing to go wrong.
Last night I talked to my best friend and I was just talking about how things always, ALWAYS get so much worse before they get any better...I started remembering how God takes you through levels of bad to show you how strong you are. God has taken me through so much within the last month I just feel faint at every step but He has also been my strength and my courage and my joy through this last month and a half and I just can't imagine getting through everything without Him. Without my faith.
Hope in times of struggle is all that we could ever hold on to...in the middle of hope is the idea of love. When you are hopeful you believe that you are loved by a Higher being so much that He will never give you more than you can bear...and maybe sometimes it may seem that you are given too much to bear but you aren't really...YOU are still BREATHING.
In hindsight of all my trials and struggles I look back and welcome them because they have made me such a strong person, you live through it to fight another battle and become EVEN stronger. I can only think of the strength I am receiving as I struggle to get to the top of this Mountain. I can only think of the power given to me by God as I whirl in this storm to get to my calm. I can only think of the miracles I am about to receive...my eyes are on the prize...NOT the struggle.
As black sisters and brothers we are all too often confronted with crisis (ie murders, theft, fires, financial problems, family arguments,everything)We also learned through a strong institution of faith and belief that the Lord works in a very mysterious way. Even if you don't go to church or don't have a community religious go to place, someone you know, is praying for you...Maybe you yourself know to pray. God is very present in our lives. He is always there even in times when we don't have an urgent need for him. He is there protecting us. Making us stronger...keeping us safe, keeping us blessed. He is our Father which art in Heaven, yet his love and joy and spirits walk the earth to protect us every second of the day and night. His Love is all we ever need
So, even when you're feeling down and out...feeling like the universe is against you...nobody can help...nobody can understand...you don't really understand yourself. Just realize that God knows you can...because He is the strength behind your will and the power behind your faith. God KNOWS YOU BEST...just keep the faith and You will prevail.

Find Peace and Be Blessed.
Kitty

Woke Me Up this Morning

There is nothing I remember more vividly from my childhood than the times I played with neighborhood friends in our big vast yard off to the side of our large home. I remember it so well because it was when I was happiest. I often take a trip down memory lane in my mind and find myself laying in the grass with the sun beaming straight down on me and me soaking in the rays. It's my good place. It's were my mind takes me when I need to escape. It is where I wish I could spend eternity. In that state of mind, that physical condition, that absolute joy and peace. I never had a worry or a care then, and nowadays, it seems as if all I have are worries and cares. Just wish sometimes I could go back to those days...
I was awaken today from what I assume was my peaceful slumber, I turned over to find my baby staring at me. Bucked eyes, staring straight into mine. It scared me, then it made me laugh. This peaceful place of mine, must have overcome my entire state of being. She must have been confused, because usually my mind isn't in a state of peace, it usually is in utter chaos. Not that my life is chaotic, my mind simply makes my world chaotic, because I'm realizing how naive I've been about just about everything that I ever believed in. This world is not a safe, perfect place. Life happens to everybody and we have to find ways to cope. We have to find a way to escape what life dishes out. I escape mine in my sleep and through prayer and through writing. I escape all of it. I leave the world behind and enter a realm of life that won't hurt me or anyone else. A world where there is peace.
That peaceful look upon my face isn't what my daughter is used to. It's not what any of my family is used to. It isn't something that is common for me. She must have been curious. And as I laid in bed and thought about it more and more, I realized that she needs to be around that version of me more often because I don't want her to grow up and have to be as concerned about EVERYTHING as I am. I want her to ponder on her thoughts of course but I don't want her to dwell on things as much as I do. It truly drives me crazy when I do. It makes my heart race and my brain ache to think the way I do. But I don't know how to stop being a worrier. It's a part of how I function. It's a part of why I care so much about the world, about actions, behaviors, respect, love...
I laid there and I told God, "Thank you for waking me up this morning."
It's how I wish to start all my days, this is the first thing I want to state everyday and next I said, "Today will be a good day." It is a declaration of the peace I so desire to have. He did wake me up this morning after having such a peaceful slumber and He will give me a beautiful day. I feel it. I know it. I claim it.

Find Peace and Be Blessed,
Kitty